The Road Is Longer Than I Anticipated
It's been just over 2 months since my 7th surgery with Dr. Rhode. My recovery has been going relatively well up until the middle of our beach trip when I discovered a bump (likely another tumor) near my trachea scar site.
Since then.. It has continued to grow. So, clearly I still have a looooooooong road ahead of me.
But…. Since I haven’t been updating you guys (other than on social media) I wanted to take a minute and walk you through the past 2 months.
The 7th surgery was on April 16th and it was a HUGE success! My surgeon took out 28 lymph nodes during this last surgery and only one of them had cancer! It seems silly to celebrate that one had cancer, but I was grateful it was only the one. However, it was rather large.. 3.2 cm to be exact! So, my oncologist wonders if it was there the whole time (since my original surgery) and we just didn’t catch it until now. Either way, I’m glad it’s out of me and didn’t have any sign of extension. Meaning, it was contained and my surgeon got clean lines!!!
Since the surgery my oncologist wanted to be sure it hadn’t spread to anywhere else as we have discovered this particular cancer is pretty agressive and the chances of it coming back are very high. Because of this she ordered a CT of my chest and Praise God it came back CLEAR too!!! There were a few signs of aspiration, but there wasn’t enough to be too concerned as I am showing more signs of improvement and healing. If I was to go backwards she said she would recommend a feeding tube, but I am determined NOT to let that happen.
I became pretty emotional after this surgery. It’s almost as if the dust was starting to settle from all the surgeries and my emotions had finally caught up from all the trauma my body had just gone through…
You know the phrase ‘hindsight is 20/20’? Well, I can tell you it’s also true of trauma, your body and your emotions. My emotions seem to be just now processing everything that happened over the past 6 months. I’ve had many moments of sadness but this time it was starting to be a little different.
They always ask you when the nurse checks your vitals how your pain is and then they ask if you have any depression. I’ve always answered no until early May. She asked the question and I just started to cry… She then said, “Several Days, Most Days or Every Day?” I said, “Several.” I’ve felt this way a few other times over the last few years, but this was just different.
The other thing I know to be true is the huge correlation between health and moving your body. I knew it was time for me to take over my healing, and not just sit around and wait to be healed. I told my oldest I wanted her to help hold me accountable and help me get stronger. We started going on walks together and it’s been a blessing to have some time with just her and the dogs. It’s created a sense of peace and normalcy back into our life.
I was so incredibly weak after all the surgeries, chemo and radiation that most days I struggled to get out of bed. This also had to do with the lack of nutrition I’m getting. My mom started making me shakes that had an insane amount of calories to help me get some of my energy back! I’m still very weak, but I can tell a difference when I drink those vs drinking just Boost all day long. Let me just say… I’m so grateful to be eating REAL food again!
As the school year began winding down I was determined to attend as many things for my girls that I possibly could. I have been vigilant throughout this entire process and stayed away from crowds, but I have already missed so much this year and I am determined not to miss anything else if I can help it.
Sara had a presentation recently that I was able to attend and it felt so good getting out and supporting her in person. I was also able to attend her band & chorus concert. She is really thriving at MTCS and her creative artistic side continues to shine.
Evelyn graduated Kindergarten and shined on the stage and on the soccer field this spring. She has a very fiery personality and I love watching her competitive nature come out in her. If you know me at all or knew me back in my basketball days.. You know she gets it honestly!
We also took a MUCH NEEDED beach trip in celebration of my divorce FINALLY being over, the 24-25 school year ending and my cancer treatments coming to a close (or so I thought).
I kept saying, “I’m so ready for things to go back to normal.”
However, I’m not sure they ever will go back to “normal”. The definition of normal is based on each person’s perspective and mine has changed since this diagnosis.
Although, I suppose compared to most people… my life hasn’t looked normal in 12 years.
I’m referring to my transition from teaching Kindergarten, to teaching virtually online (pre-covid) to entering the direct sales world.
I used to tell people I became a Pampered Chef consultant because I was desperate to be a “stay at home mom.” And, I was desperate for that, but I also knew that if I wanted or needed to ever leave… I had to make my own money.
I didn’t want money so I could have a fancy car, a big house or that Louis Vutton purse you all saw me buy in Paris, France…
I wanted money so I could have the option of FREEDOM if I ever needed it.
I’ve heard story after story of women getting married, having a family and then feeling stuck in a marriage that is not honoring God because they either feel like they can’t leave or they don’t have the financial ability to get out. While there are so many incredible resources out there - I’ve been on the receiving end of some of these things - and the awareness is increasing thanks to social media - you still don’t set out on your wedding day thinking you’re ever going to want to get a divorce.
But, here I am. 17 years later and my body finally broke.
So many people have said different variations of this phrase:
You have handled everything so well.
And while I graciously accept the compliment and used to wear that badge like I was beyond proud to be a walking testimony of strength…
My body was screaming at me for YEARS!!!
I received a diagnosis for PTSD.
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
I gained 80 pounds in just over a year.
AND… in January of this year I was diagnosed with Cancer.
It seemed as if my armor was slowly degrading and my body was breaking underneath.
The armor I so meticulously created so no one would see how wounded and broken my body had become.
And, as a result I began to question if anyone would even believe me if I started to talk about it or decided enough was enough.
Well, sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to finally do what is best for your bloodline. My rock bottom was realizing if I don’t restore my health my girls won’t have me to continue to fight for their safety, their salvation and the life they truly deserve.
So, while I do still have a VERY long road ahead (more on that in minute) I am going to keep fighting because they deserve it.
Selfishly, of course I want to be here to teach them how to drive, to disciple them, and experience everything a mother should get to experience with her kids, BUT I am also okay if God chooses not to heal me.
I can promise you one thing though…
The tattoo that was once on my wrist that read Warrior and is now on my tongue has an even bigger meaning.
I am doing everything I can to restore my health so I can also restore what the enemy has tried to steal from me.
Once I came to this realization it’s almost as if a lightbulb went off in me.
If I want a different result.. I have to do something different.
I am beyond blessed to live outside of Nashville and have access to Vanderbilt and all of the incredible people that work there. I have an incredible team at Vanderbilt.
BUT.. after going through some of the harshest chemo & radiation and being told I needed more but it would most definitely bring about some very serious complications if I continue (including more cancer at a later date)... I just couldn’t shake the feeling I needed to do something different.
I also know my oncologist and radiologist didn’t agree on the matter and that didn’t sit right with me either. Ik now they both were doing what they think is best, but the reality is… I am not willing to risk my life on someone else’s pride. So, I got a second opinion.
Thankfully, the second opinion came as a result of a multitude of people referring us to someone in Franklin, TN. Don’t worry though- mom was about to fly me up to Canada or sell their rental and take me to Arizona for a $200k treatment if we couldn’t find anyone close by who was offering alternative treatment.
Good news is, we found someone who went to school at Vanderbilt, was a surgeon operating on people like me but heard the cancer diagnosis himself. So, not only has been in my shoes, but he (by the grace of God) healed himself, and became an oncologist so he could help others have the same success. I really like my new oncologist because he is still using pharmaceuticals, some chemo or immunotherapies and very honest about what he knows and may not have enough research on just yet.
I started on so many “off label” methods over the past few weeks and I am feeling very hopeful! Prior to starting all of this though is when the tumor popped up. I was told my cancer is very aggressive and would likely continue to come back, but when I rang that bell after I finished my last radiation treatment I was so hopeful that would be the end.
That’s why I made the change. I did everything textbook and my cancer grew. So, I’m not going to stick my head in the sand and accept a fate just because one person says that’s all that can be done. I believe God brought me to this man at this exact time so he can help me restore my health, but strengthen my faith along the way. My doctor is a believer and said, “I don’t heal people. God does. And I believe you came at just the right time so that I can help you.”
So yea.. I’m taking Ivermectin, Mebendazole, about a million supplements, some very interesting pharmaceuticals that are normally used for other illnesses but have shown to kill cancer cells when combined with one another and also I will be starting an oral chemo drug.
He also encouraged me to go back to my surgeon to have her look at the lump, bump or more than likely tumor growing on my neck. I went to see her, discussed all of this with her and because she is an incredible human was grateful I came to see her and has continued to support my journey. She ordered a CT scan for my neck and chest. We received the chest CT scan back first and I was pleasantly surprised to learn my cancer had not spread to my lungs, heart or anyone else. In fact the areas on my lungs that were concerning are now cleared up and gone. They did not get the neck CT scan read and uploaded to my patient portal yet, and I am eager to hear from my surgeon. I will likely need this removed, but either way I know what needs to be done will happen.
Since that time the girls and I moved back in with my parents. I was so hopeful I could return to work this summer and Fall, but things have not gone exactly how I’d hoped. To be honest, I ran out of money and knew if I was going to truly heal I couldn’t have the stress of rent and so many other things that came along with living there.
I keep telling God my story is already pretty incredible and he doesn’t have to keep adding to it. But, then I think back on how I asked him to “Make me a miracle” at the very beginning of all of this and well.. Modern medicine wouldn’t be much of a miracle to most I suppose.
Instead, I am going to focus on living every moment of every day as intentionally as I possibly can (until my last breath - may it be at age 88 asleep at night).
I’ve started researching more, educating myself and trying hard to bio-hack as many things as I possibly can to prevent more damage from happening as I walk through this process.
In order to make some money I decided to put back on my direct sales hat. I enrolled with a brand new company in August 2024 and watched silently as they officially launched in October. I was working as a Marketing Director and truly did not have it in me at the time to lead a team or wear any other hats. My heart wasn’t in it… yet.
Fast forward to now…
I begin learning about all these alternative cancer therapies, immune system support and wouldn’t you know what research I stumble upon…
Bioactive. Precision. Peptides.
That startup company I joined back in August created something that could help me fight this horrific cancer. Well you better belive the day I learned this information is the day I started drinking FIT and Energized. Just two out of the 6 products we currently have available.
I knew I needed to support my immune system, gain muscle strength back and if I could make money in the process = it was a win win!
A few things that have transpired since:
*My stamina has drastically increased.
*I don’t have a hard afternoon crash from drinking coffee.
*My hair is growing back!!!
*I was able to come off Zoloft (I’ve been on it for 7 years as a result of PTSD). This is HUGE!!!
The incredible stories of weight loss, coming off medications, increasing productivity, reducing inflammation and success after success has helped me realize why God brought this company into my life all those months ago.
I wasn’t passionate or excited to build again - until I learned what these products can do for me and so many others.
The minute the spark came back = the minute the passion, excitement and ideas started to flood in.
I have made a lot of money in this industry - heck we bought a $650k home that later sold for over $800k on my income alone when I was doing direct sales. Yes, I gave myself golden handcuffs by increasing my lifestyle, but it also showed me what is possible and one of the gifts I have is building a following behind something I’m passionate about. And you best believe restoring my health is now my passion!!!
So, forget ozempic, anxiety meds and working a J-O-B… I’m going to do what I do best and work in the pockets of time between doctors visits, therapies, and spending time with my girls. This is my new normal (at least for now) and I’m okay with it.
Obviously, if you want to learn more about these peptides you can watch a super short and sweet video HERE and if you want to learn more about the business model you can watch a 15 minute video HERE.
Grateful for this renewed passion, the opportunity to be on a team that is truly doing more than I have ever personally done and that God is leading me to some incredible humans to help me learn how to support and heal my body from the inside out.
If you want to check out any of the products I am taking or join me on this journey you can visit my website HERE.
As always, thank you for all the love, prayers, support and even financial and monetary gifts. I would not be where I am today without any of it. So many people have shown up for months on end bringing meals for my family, helping me pack up and move back home, and showering us with more love than we ever deserved. I truly feel an immense amount of love and gratitude. Just another reason to keep fighting… I hope to pay it forward to someone else someday.
Until next time, be sure to follow me on social media where you can see my daily ramblings and incredibly honest oversharing on all things biohacking, cancer, divorce and single mom life. I hope I can bring some happiness into your world everyday. Thanks for being here! I truly mean it when I say, I love you.
